Aug 1, 2009 was once an ordinary day. School, lecture, eat, doodle and listen. Nothing much for welcoming the year of August yet this day hasn’t ended more than any day.  There’s nothing more than a far greater experience than the chance to be left undoubtedly clueless of what’s happening. Coming from a tiring and meaningless meeting was nothing special to end a day. As I leave the halls of the school’s exit railings I came across 2 familiar faces waiting across the street. It wasn’t long then that one of my friend Kleuasked a favor to accompany me to ven’s car. As we approached her (ven) ride, I screamed to the horror of the scene..haha! joke. It was for the 4 beautiful lighted candles over 4 delicious, sweet cupcakes and a big pillow beside it. I never expected they would do such preparations for me but all I could ever think of is that there no other perfect day to surprise me than this date, on the same time and on the right place. But I was confused on the fact that may be I have strained them or have I forced them to make this as a yearly requirement? But NO.

               I am the head organizer for each birthday surprise that every birthday my friends anticipated nor have I been expecting such intentions on my birthday. I merely wanted to surprise my friends not for personal gain but for them to realize that they are special to us. Even on my birthday (07/28), I never wanted to celebrate it so that’s why I have pondered on such questions I never wanted to be the burden in the group.

              As they greeted me with excitement saying “happy birthday” those doubts disappeared like they were inexistent. I enjoyed every moment with them. It has also been quite a long time that we have all been together. Every moment with them is a sure bliss. The times we laughed, smiled and just obnoxiously laughing out jokes are the moments I have been dying to capture. We were silent sometimes, maybe awkward of the celebration but I prayed dearly that it wasn’t because of my birthday.

             This is one of the many reasons that I never wanted to celebrated this year—my birthday. For my mom, she thinks it’s a waste of time and money. For my dad, he couldn’t care less (my brother agrees to this motion). On my 18^th birthday, I used up my childhood savings just to have a debut of my own. My mother was totally against it but in the end, she even rented a pink gown for herself <haha!> . I have really thought after my debut that would be my last cheer because I had enough of my mother’s bickering on my special day.

            Meged! My blog is just so inconsistent but please understand it. I just haven’t thought that being surprised by your close friends would feel that great and your bipolar mom on the watch. Who would not have such emotions stirring over her mind?

(But I really do love my mom just not on my birthday)

Supposedly a lonely day

Blog entry: 7/26

10pm

I’ve anticipated today that it is going to be lonely but I don’t see it as a problem. It’s good to be alone sometimes... away from friends, not with family. [Just me and my dog in my room] ~hehe~. bitaw ui, we were late from Church, when I wrote ‘we’ meaning my family hehe..  Then I knew mt mother’s going to hate me for this (me and slowpoke heremy brother) were both the turtles that’s why we were late. I wasn’t glad to know that when we got to the Church, people were joining their hands as they sing the Lord’s Prayer. There is nothing more embarrassing than this. After that, I was pissed I did not ask for God’s forgiveness coz I’m a little down and my mind was floating away (I’m really selfish *damn*) but good thing my mama was in a good mood so I was also in the good mood. But really the things that got me down was the fact that I have to cancel the planned event last Saturday with my neighbors because my mom denied my suggestion as a way in celebrating my birthday.. hmmm but I totally understand her I just can’t help to be sad. it just seems my silence about this feelings have implanted dark emotions and that I have to release it through writing this blog. Thanks to this, I’m fine now.

Oh! I also don’t want to be greeted on my birthday..hehe~

"eventhough i clutch my pillow tight and close my eyes so you would be out of sight i still can't seem to sleep at night coz all i think is you in this dim dark twilight"